In the spirit of episode 6 “Strive to Succeed”, I am going to discuss the significance of ambition and drive in allowing for a more resilient character development. Instilling a strive to succeed in our children is an active act that requires the consideration of a definition of success. Your definition of success will in turn affect the ways in which you instill this drive in your child, and will thus shape their character and the goals, intentions, and values they adopt later in life. Therefore, this definition must centralize other foundational morals and values so that how our children choose to succeed becomes shaped by kindness, charity, empathy, social consciousness, etc. When we do this, we weave ambition into the child’s character in a way that prioritizes success for the betterment of the self and the community around us.
On the other hand, it is important to keep in mind that the culture of performance and perfectionism can also lead to depression, anxiety disorders, alcohol and substance abuse, lying, eating disorders, recklessness, emptiness, self-doubt and self-reproach, and self harm (Margolies, Lynn.) When parents put too much emphasis on performance, it can extend that pressure onto the child’s own self-perception and they can become overly critical of themselves. Consequently, the intention behind their drive will not be for the sake of growth, resilience, and expansion of knowledge, but for the sake of performance and competition. In some ways, this stunts the child and their development into an individual with extensive interests and agendas that employ and manifest these interests. Thus, it is our duty to responsibly engender the strive to succeed in our children.
Two integral ways to help your child strive to succeed:
1-Show Don’t Tell: you need to demonstrate the importance of something in order for your child to grasp its significance and form an attachment to its pursuit. If your kid is feeling demotivated in a certain subject, show them its function in the world and the implication it has as a result. For example, if your kid is struggling to put effort into science, you can begin to explain certain exciting scientific theories to them by pointing them out in the world. In this way, your child can see the benefit of learning in helping us understand the world and how it works, which helps us better understand our own position in it. In constantly explaining the components and functions of our world, we instill a drive for knowledge in our children.
2-Mistakes are Learning Opportunities: when a child first makes a mistake, it is important that we show we approach the situation with sympathy so that they are not discouraged from learning and bettering themselves from the mistake. We must then explain to them why their action was a mistake and how they can amend it. Learning from the mistake will help make them more knowledgeable about the subject at issue and thus reduce the likelihood of that mistake repeating itself. It is advantageous that this also helps children establish their autonomy and agency. Additionally, this process molds your child’s character into one that is more durable and fluid.
Citations:
Margolies, Lynn. “The Paradox of Pushing Kids to Succeed.” Psych Central, 8 Oct. 2018, psychcentral.com/lib/the-paradox-of-pushing-kids-to-succeed/.